hold it in
by smellslikechidna
Summary: One boy. One toilet. One girl using the shower. Water torture, kiddie-style. [Saka, fluff, random]


Fic written in celebration of never having to go near the school toilets again. I'm… so… *sob* _happy_!!!!

Disclaimer: Pokémon isn't mine, it probably belongs to some random Japanese bloke, and although they aren't mentioned, I'm pretty sure that our school toilets are property of King Turd-or-whatever he's called from Conker's Bad Fur Day. I personally believe that our crap toilets are a form of Catholic torture. ^^' Damn the nuns!

Theme song: *Kaz thinks* Oh sod it. Any song you can think of to do with peeing, tell me in a review!

Crushy-Ash. Awwww.

-.-'

…hold it in…

Trying to stand up with his legs twisted around the other, Ash glared desperately at the locked door to his immediate left, detached one hand from the front of his pants and hammered on the door angrily. **"What are you, Misty? A _camel_? Hurry the hell up!"** he barked, before wincing again and trying to twist his legs in such a way that breathing did not make it feel as though his bladder was about to burst. He glared at the other side of the room, where Brock was grinning slyly to himself. Stupid Brock. With his devious grins and his "Ash, I _told_ you not to get a super-sized coke, didn't I?". Jerk. Pikachu wasn't exactly helpful either; unable to see why Ash couldn't simply cock his leg and pee like she did. With no qualms about doing it in the middle of the City's bus-station, either. And Misty, currently occupying said bathroom and doing Myuu-knows-what had yelled out her advice through the door, which was to just tie himself in a knot, be a gentleman and wait. And that was half an hour ago, and now Ash was seriously considering tying himself in a knot. He hopped slightly; legs still twisted dangerously close to dislocation, and kicked the base panel of the door. **"Hurry. Up."** Pikachu chuckled from behind him, but avoided his glare by polishing the Egg's shell. Brock shot a conspiratorial look to Pikachu, and cleared his throat.

**"You know, Ash, I hear that the Gym Leader here specializes in Grass-type Pokémon."** he said. Ash shot him a strange look. ****

**"Huh? Brock, we checked that out – it's Fire."** he replied, wincing when he realised that talking wasn't exactly helpful.

Brock gave a wicked grin. **"Ah, right, Fire… so I'm guessing you'll be using Totodile, right?"**

Ash nodded. **"Yeah. And I might ask Misty if I can borrow Politoed." **he replied.

**"You know that _Water_ Gun is one of the most effective _Water_-based attacks, don't you?"**

**"Yes."** Ash said shortly, hopping slightly again.

**"I mean, all that powerful _water_ that just _splashes_ around, _dousing_ a Fire-type in a _shower_ of _H2O_… it's such a _wonderful_ _image_, isn't it?"** Ash squawked as the words took effect.

**"Shut up… _please_ just shut up."** he whimpered, gazing imploringly at the pair of them.

Pikachu joined in. **"_[I remember when I was only a cub and we were attacked by a high-level _Water_-type. It used _Hydro_-_Pump_ and just _soaked _the whole pack.]_"** Pikachu grinned wickedly when Pikapi's eyes crossed.

**"Say, Pikachu, do you remember that big lake we passed yesterday? With all those Pokémon having a _water_ fight? I mean, all that _water_ just _splashing_ around…"**

**"_[Ooh, yeah, I remember! It took me hours to shake all that _water_ out of my fur.]_" **she replied, shaking herself almost self-consciously and licking a paw.** "_[You know, it's quite ironic – that _Misty_, whose sisters own the _Water-type _Cerulean Gym, should be in the _bathroom, _while _Pikapi_ is so _desperate_ to _pee_.]_"**

A thudding sound interrupted them, and both Brock and Pikachu looked over to where Ash was now trying to shoulder-charge the door, legs twisted and hands still firmly clamped in an important place. Chuckling, Brock grabbed him by the shoulders and steered him slightly away, before pressing his ear against the door. **"The shower's running…"** he muttered; Ash's eyes crossed and he whined loudly. **"Sorry." **he said, though he didn't sound sorry at all, ** "But…"** Brock cleared his throat. **"Hey, Misty… are you gonna be much longer, because I'm not cleaning up any puddles" Ash elbowed him sharply ****"that Ash is probably going to end up leaving all over this room."**

No reply. Brock hammered on the door, and then, the shower stopped. **"Just a minute!" **called Misty from inside the bathroom. Ash's eyes were scrunched up in pain, he restarted hopping from one foot to the other, thinking that if he could somehow displace what was in his bladder and keep it… well, away from whatever tube it went through, he'd be fine.

For about, oh say, three more seconds. 

**"Miiistyyyyy!"** he wailed, still hopping cross-legged, **"This isn't fair!" **Man, why did she have to take a shower when he needed to pee? _Why, _oh cruel ruler of all things fate and pee related!?

And then the door clicked.

And, in a cloud of mist, steam and something that made Ash's eyes swim, his saviour came. Chucking one hand around her neck, he nearly strangled her in a hug. **"Ohhhh thankyouthankyouthankyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou… eeeeee!" **And Ash disappeared from view, slamming the door behind him, leaving a bemused Misty, hysterical Pikachu and a surprised Brock in the room.

"Um… what was that about?" Misty asked, rubbing her hair dry with a towel. 

          Brock grinned. **"Oh, nothin'."**

n_n

About ten minutes later, when Ash was… well, empty, and not feeling as though his bladder would explode and give him peeing-problems for the rest of his life, cleaning his hands (like a good boy) and making sure that the barn-doors were well and truly _closed_, Ash ventured out of the bathroom, which smelt of girly-cosmetics that made him dizzy. Brock met him as he shut the door behind him, arms folded menacingly as he sat on the bed, fixing Ash's gaze with his own steeled one. **"Uh…"** Ash said cleverly, blinking. **"S'up, Brock?"** He found his hands playing with his gloves nervously just by Brock _looking_ at him!

**"In case you're wondering, Misty's gone to put Togepi in with Nurse Joy… Ash… _why_ was I not told?"** he asked sternly. Ash gulped.

**"Look, Brock, I couldn't help it – it was an emergency – I swear, I didn't know you had that magazine I didn't look at it, honest, really, I didn't-"** Brock held up a hand for calm. **"That's not it? …phew. But still – I didn't do it, and you can't proof anything!"**

"Actually, Ash, I was wondering why I seem to be the only person you haven't told about Misty."

"Whaaaaaa?! What about her? I never said anything about her – who've you been talking to!?" Quick tactics – deny everything, no matter what. "If it's Tracey – you can't believe _anything_ he says, really, honestly!"

"Riiiight… Ash, do you have _any_ idea of what you said to her?"

"…when?"

"Before you charged into the bathroom and probably cracked the toilet from peeing for ten minutes straight."

"You timed that?!"

"ASH!"

"Whaaat? All I said to her was… erm… I said 'thank you'…"

"Aaaaand?" Brock pressed, leaning forward and fixing Ash with his inquisitive gaze. "You said something else, remember?"

"I… did?"

"Think _real_ hard, Ash."

"Ahhh… I said that I needed to pee?" 

Brock slowly shook his head, then said in a singsong voice, "Ash, what's the one thing that Tracey knows about a certain absent-from-this-room redhead, and you haven't told me?"

Ash blinked, then, as the slow realisation dawned on him, he rapidly paled. "I… oh god…"

In a blur, the bathroom door was swung open, slammed shut, and the sweet little melody of Ash currently retching caused Brock to grin. Oh how Ash would pay for telling Tracey something and not him.

n_n

Oh God.

Oh God.

Oh _God_!

Curled up under the sink, Ash tried to stop the knowledge from sinking in. He'd told her. 

And even worse, he told her The Three Words while grabbing his crotch with one hand and strangling her with the other. Not exactly the situation he'd had in mind. 

Quite the opposite, in fact, although don't you _dare_ get the idea that he was gonna be mushy, 'cos Ash Ketchum's not like that, no way, honest. Well, not really.

Did he HAVE to be grabbing himself though!? Now she either thought him insane or Brock had finally been an influence on the part of Ash that did NOT want Brock's influence, thank you very much. And whichever way she thought was his problem, one thing was clear. Ash would never be a father. Not genetically, anyway.

Oh God.

Oh _God_! He knew he wasn't the cleverest in the bunch (hell, when you get outsmarted by a Slowpoke, somethin's gotta be up), but this… nobody, ever, _anywhere_ could be this dumb. Ever. This… this was _beyond_ dumb.

This was on a level with Psyduck. Even Psyduck couldn't be this dumb.

Right?

Mind you, Psyduck tended to stay away from Misty most of the time, and Ash couldn't really blame him. 

Why the _hell_ did he say that? Say _that_! To _her_! 

…and how the hell did Brock know Ash hadn't told him, anyway? 

The only person who _knew_ was a Pokémon Watcher, whose 'observations' did not stop at Pokémon and all built up to reveal that Ash was, in fact, crushing worse than grass under a Snorlax's arse. 

But if Brock knew, that meant that either Brock's eyes were slightly more functional than previously thought, or a certain bishounen Pokémon Watcher would find himself with his pencil case exploring where no other pencil case had gone before. 

And Brock has trouble tying his shoes.

Tracey, you son of a…

Oh God.

Oh God, she was in the room, he could hear her, she was talking to Brock about the fact that Nurse Joy wanted to talk to him about breeding habits.

He could also hear the sonic boom that echoed around the place as Brock sped off.

Mwaaaa, she was in the room directly next to him, probably waiting with her biggest mallet for him to come out. Oh God, she was going to kill him! Because… well, did she _have_ to have a reason? Aside from the fact that he was an uncontrollable, crotch-grabbing jerk who couldn't keep his mouth shut and tried to strangle her. 

Reason enough.

"Ash?"

Mwaaaa! Oh God oh God oh God oh God… this was it, he'd been called up to the dock and now she was going to screw the jury and just give him the execution. Tactics, however, could always save the day, and Ash had a talent of talking himself out of trouble. "Uh, I'm not in here!"

Some talent.

"Riiiiiight…" she drawled, and Ash could just picture her, pacing the door like a lion (tiger, he preferred), mallet being twisted in her hands, making small, practise swings at the air, and with that slightly crazed look in her eyes that was both addictive and terrifying at the same time. 

He was _so_ dead.

"Ash, are you okay in there? Brock said he heard you retching." She… was worried about him? Oh sweet… bless her. See, he knew there was a nice part of her somewhere. Just he never saw it often. Oh God, what if she was just acting nice because she was going to totally reject him when he got out? 

And back into the toilet Ash went.

Fun.

"Ash, d'you want me to get Nurse Joy?" asked Misty, worriedly through the door. Ash cringed. 

"Mo," he replied thickly, trying to fight off more nausea, "I… out in a sec…" 

He heard her pace about agitatedly for a minute, tapping her foot. "I can go and get you some medicine, Ash, it's no big deal." She paused. "And don't say you're fine, because you're not, I can tell." Heh, yeah. Of course he wasn't fine. He just told you he loved you in the middle of a needing-to-pee mania. "You looked fine before… is it what you ate for lunch? I was going to see if you wanted to go for ramen, but if you're not well…"

Click.

Door opened.

How the hell did she do that!?

Togepi grinned evilly. Ohhhh… figures. Give a girl a Psychic-type and your life is over. 

You'll never be able to lock yourself in a room again. Brock's days of 'reading' in the bathroom were over.

"What's up?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow at the amusing scene of Ash huddled next to the toilet. "I told you that you wouldn't like jalapenos," she trilled, then faltered when Ash didn't look at her. "Ash, what's the matter?" 

"Nothin'" he muttered, standing up but avoiding her eyes. 

"Have I done something?"

"No!" he yelled, then wishing he'd kept his mouth shut. "Honest, it's nothing." he said, while dusting off the back of his jeans and walking out. 

"Well if it's nothing, quit worrying about it and let's go!"

"…go where?" He was dead. She was taking him to the cliff they'd passed earlier and was going to throw him off it. He could already hear the vein thudding in her head…

"To get take-out, nimrod!" She grabbed his hand in hers, the key in another and yanked him out of the door, meeting Pikachu halfway down the hallway and into the quiet Johto evening. The Ramen shop was only a few streets away, according to the little information leaflet Joy had handed all three of them when they checked in.

…but she didn't let go of his clammy hand.

And he didn't want her to, even though her grip was tight and she was crushing his fingers. 

Whereas he was content to be just crushing on her.

~owari~

[A/N] 

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VOTE FOR JADE! 09011 15 44 09! Do it now, do it now, do it now! Her or Jonny!

And to all you non-UK/BB3 fans… I apologise for the extreme corniness of that last sentence, and Dana, I will start on either Pinball or the other fic tomorrow.

Review! Vote for Jade! Do both now!

^^'


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